cant i do whatever is beyond my ability?

although i know i shouldnt brood over the past, but i cant help but to cry
i know i shouldnt ask for more when the input is nt high
i know i can do better with my ability, but i refuse to.
i know i am capable of any challenges, perhaps next year.

i promise. i year 3 i am gonna giv my full.
i am gonna get all the crit panels eyes on me.
i am gonna wow them with my creative juice.

perhaps.

i am in my depression state.
i love to compare.
compare with those who score same or higher than me
but, i feel so lousy then.
i feel that i havent even reach the line yet.

now, everyone is catching up
but i am just doing a slow jog.
why cant i run?
why cant i take over everyone
why must this happen to me
aint i doing fine in last sem?
WHY

what am i gonna do now.
sigh.
i dont want to disappoint my parents.

how does it happen to me at the first place
is it cos i care too much of how other people fare?
shouldnt i just compete with myself.
shouldnt i just do whatever i can


ARGHHHHHHH....


:( tears..